I don't know what I'd call "my" Edmonton, only that it isn't really home. I always think it's funny that you can grow up in a place, or be from there (for the record, I'm not -- we moved from St. John's when I was five) but still not think of it as being home. People make their own homes. Mine isn't here. And when you only live in a place (as opposed to loving it, or however you want to define home), it changes how you experience and inhabit it.
I don't think I can ever quite grasp the concept of Edmonton as a full-fledged "city"; to me, it's more like a collection of places I go and people I see. Whyte Ave, campus, downtown, the west end. Friends and the people I try to avoid. Even if I hate it for the most part, there are places and parts that make it bearable, that I might even love -- Remedy (where I'm at right now, actually, and if you've never had their chai, you're missing out.) The trails that wind through my neighbourhood and make it a little less suburban. Gallagher Hill during Folk Fest. That park behind the Safeway on Whyte, not that you get to know why. Even the mall (though that is definitely a love/hate relationship.) When someone from outside asks me to describe Edmonton, these are always the places that come to mind. Even then, it's less about the places than what I've done there; I always end up telling the stories, not describing the building.
And even though it's not home and I haven't left yet, I get weirdly nostalgic for it sometimes. I'm counting down the days until I finally leave, and there are days when I miss it already, the summer days at the Fringe or skiing in Jasper or everything else that makes this place worth it. Knowing that one day I won't get to experience this makes me miss it, I guess?
This is really disjointed and I'm not entirely sure that I'm properly articulating everything I wanted to say. Tumblr has ruined me. I don't know how to blog anymore unless it's commenting on a lolcat or a picture of Lord CHRISTian Bale. Oh well. Maybe next time?
lol, lolcats ftw :) I would like to say that I found reading your post interesting and not the least bit disjointed. You have conflicting views about the city and don't feel any specific attachment to it and yet value something here that you've come to enjoy. I know that I struggled with seeing this as home when I first came here because all of my family and all my friends were still in SK. Though I didn't realize it while I was living there, they, and all my experiences with them, were what made a place my home. I've had many new experiences here and Edmonton has become my home, for now :P
ReplyDeleteOh, and Remedy's Chai is godly :D We have a giant jug of the mix in the fridge. Any one who hasn't had it yet needs to go do so FYI
ReplyDeleteIn reference to the part about describing places to people who ask you about Edmonton, I think that when people ask you to describe a place, most of them don't expect an architectural explanation. Therefore, I believe that your explanation of place, though it may only rely on memories, is one that is valid, even if you feel that you are not paying homage to the surroundings in which your memories are formed. From reading your post, I definitely saw an explanation of place that, though it may not be sound enough to deem Edmonton your 'home', was one that acknowledges its importance to your life. All cities are are collections of places. It is the boundaries we set around those places that make us lean towards defining them as "city". Good post. Very interesting ideas :)
ReplyDelete